Coburn Kids

So last Thursday was Caden’s developmental screening.  We had 3 therapists at the house: an Occupational Therapist, Speech Pathologist, and a Developmental Therapist. They assessed Caden and while the findings weren’t all that shocking I have to admit I was a bit disappointed!  Not with Caden certainly but they still put his overall development between a 9-12 month.  Which it was 4 months ago as well. So while he’s made some progress it’s very sllloooowww.  Just a bit frustrating. His speech is still at a 6-9 month old level.  So Caden will be having therapy 3 times a week, 3 different therapists, for an hour each time. He qualifies on 3 levels, first is the cleft, next is the prematurity and third is that he’s more than 30% behind considering he’s almost 22 months old.

I guess, if I’m really honest, I just have to admit I’m a bit scared. My little boy is this defy-the-odds baby in a little package and I had hoped he would have all ready started to catch up.  Just a little bit really.  Instead it seems that we are getting further and further behind.  While he’s indeed doing new little things it’s not enough to push him up the development scale.

With Genevieve she would stall and then leap with her development.  She would just be sitting there one day and within a week she was walking.  She wouldn’t have more then 3 words one day and then in a week had sentences. So I have been waiting for the same with Caden. Everyone screams at you not to compare them to other children and I’m not!  I certainly don’t expect Caden to be at a 2 year old level, I don’t look at even an 18 month old and wish he was doing everything they could.  I just want… steady progress I suppose.

That’s not what we have though, we have little things here and little things there. So as a parent I really am terrified that this lag he is experiencing is more telling of something I don’t want to admit or accept. I am grateful for my lil’ guy, and I am the first to know exactly everything he has overcome and just how precious he really is. But like any mother, I also dream of what Caden will do when he grows up, will he marry, will he go to college? And it is indeed very frustrating to try express those concerns and to get shot down by Doctors, Therapists and more who believe that the miracle of life I hold should be good enough consolation and comfort to me. Because I do want more for my child, like all parents I want him to reach his full potential and I want to sit back and dream of what he can accomplish. Right now I honestly can’t do that, because I am afraid of the future for him and if I contemplate one future I also have to contemplate the opposite. So I focus on the present and concentrate on developing the skills he has right now; loving him and kissing his sweet cheeks, tickling him until I get that hilarious baby giggle, watching him as he follows me around the house like a lost puppy, and bouncing him on my lap as he squeals.

Then I smile, because life is as it should be. Living in the present.